Please don't let me be misunderstood
by Mansah
Summary: Drabble from Aaron E's point of view on his fascination with belts and dealing out justice. Rated T because of references to abuse.


Rewatching the series I noticed that Aaron Echolls has a belt incident both with Logan and Trina's boyfriend and that realisation spawned this. I'm not conding or justifying anything and I blame Harry Hamlin for bringing so much texture into a downright scumbag character.

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* * *

Sometimes he gets a little mad. That's all there is to it.

*o*o*o*c

He doesn't remember how old he was when he himself felt the leather on his naked body for the first time. He remembers the feel, the pain, the disbelief... but why it happened or when is all a blur to him. He doesn't know if what he remembers is even the memory of the first time or the fifth or the hundredth. There was a lot of that when he was younger; especially when his father had been drunk, which was often.

There wasn't much apologising either. No explanations or justifications; from him or his mother. At least he doesn't think so. It doesn't matter now anyway, it mattered then, but now it's all water under the bridge.

In any case he came to understand it better. Not exactly the deeper meaning behind it all, but still, somehow, he got it, the bigger picture.

Maybe it was sometime on one of his first films, long before The Long Haul, and he was in a fight scene playing gang member number 3. Even if all their moves had been choreographed he felt good afterwards as he'd never done before. The memory of lashing out and using brute strength left him all refreshed like and energised and yet somehow completely at rest. Like everything had clicked somehow. That night he had asked Lynn to marry him.

He never learnt to sympathise but, yes, he got it. Understood it even better the first time he held a belt in his hand intending to unleash it. (There is just something about belts he can't describe).

No need to hold a grudge for days; one snap and he feels better. Much better that way, no?

*o*o*o*c

On screen he often totes a gun. Or uses his fists. But while he is ready to use any of these in a pinch he has really always been more of a tool guy. His father taught him that he thinks; that there are some things you can do with the leg of a chair that you just can't do with your hand alone. Or better yet a belt.

He has always preferred the belt.

He knows it's not terribly original but then who said tradition doesn't have some value?

This link to the past; that memory from his childhood of the possible first time that has erased all the others. The link with cowboy whips and lassos too. So, maybe it's a bit nostalgic but underneath his rogue'ish good looks, his charming yet cool exterior (that's how he's always described in the magazines so it must be true) he really is a softie. Who wouldn't want to fulfil their boyhood dreams?

After the first time he started collecting them. Started experimenting. Yes, he knows it's a bit silly but he suspects he never buys a belt without on some level considering the pros and cons of its use as a castigating tool. At least he doesn't ask the sales assistant for help. He's keeping it discrete, like a professional. You should always be professional, especially in cases like these. Everybody needs a hobby, isn't that what they say? His is one of the cheaper ones; with the added bonus of keeping him calm. He can't think of the money he'd waste on therapy if he didn't have belts.

Belts, now belts...When he started getting into it he realised that there was really quite a scope for creativity, for science.

He likes the variety you have; so many widths, levels of hardness and suppleness; the extensive range of buckles. Not that he uses that end frequently; someone could get hurt. Or imagine the blood on the carpet if the skin breaks; stains on the floor and extra work for the maid. It's too much for the everyday occasions. Still, he likes to know he has the option should he need it. There have been instances in the past. He keeps a broad selection just in case.

He loves the sound too.

There's something about the way it crackles through the air, the way it snaps when it hits its goal (different sound depending on the force and the type he uses; on the method applied. On whether it touches naked skin or fabric). There's something about it, something poetic. A melodic, calming sound of justice washing anger away.

He likes to think that Logan appreciates it too or that at least he will at some point. Age and experience teaches us all to look with understanding at our past.

He hopes the boy sees the full perspective when he goes to choose his belt. That he sees that it's not just about punishment but about art, about growing up. It's a chance to contemplate the bigger things in life; to understand what matters and being able to make choices. So what... he gets a little mad; all artists have been known to tap into their emotions. Take it where it leads you; It's nothing personal after all, it's hardly ever personal.

Fists on the other hand are personal. They're proximity and intimacy. They're what he uses to teach his daughter's scumbag boyfriend a lesson. Chairs and ash trays and all those things are passion; they reflect a senseless rage that is driven by blind emotion. They're what he catches hold of when he's grabbing for anything to extend the reach of his arm. When he is guided by intuition and spur of the moment and it's really a case of rolling the die to see whether he'll come out the graceful victor or the unlucky loser. There's no dignity or higher ground.

The belt is something different altogether.

The belt is distance and detachment even as its presence and caring; it's what he uses to dispense the final words of wisdom in any interchange. Any ground lost in an altercation is immediately regained with the snap of a belt over a bit of flesh. The belt is reserved for no one in particular; it brings in the universal truth to no good boys who abuse their girlfriends for their own advantage and it teaches his own son good manners and the value of money; that it's not something you throw around on a whim. The belt is authority, morality and having the last word. The belt is calculation and deliberation. The belt is always justified action; guided by thought as well as feeling.

Then there's that added bonus.

Using the belt... It relieves tension; helps release the muscles in his shoulders that he normally overlooks. Afterwards his body feels rested, relieved. As if he has spent a day in meditation or had an hour-long massage or really good sex.

His mind, too, is at peace. Blank and refreshed. Satisfied that the world is in balance; justice has been served.

Sometimes he gets a little mad and in his experience there's no better way to work through anger than the belt. Sometimes he gets a little mad... and that's really all there is to it.


End file.
